1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:02,736 - PREVIOUSLY ON THE BIG C... 2 00:00:02,769 --> 00:00:04,371 - WHAT'S THIS? - I HAVE A LUMP. 3 00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:05,705 - WHERE? - ON MY ASS. 4 00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:07,440 I REALIZE THIS ALL ISN'T VERY SEXY. 5 00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:09,976 - I FIND EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU SEXY. 6 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,011 - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 7 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:13,013 - SOMEONE TRIED TO STEAL MY SLEEPING BAG. 8 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:15,248 - I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU. PLEASE LET ME DO THAT. 9 00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:17,550 - SEAN CAN STAY IN MY HOUSE, AND I CAN'T? 10 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,586 - HE'S SLEEPING IN THE YARD. - I GOT A HAND-JOB. 11 00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:22,555 - WHY DID YOU TELL ME THAT? - SO WE CAN GET PAST IT. 12 00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,991 - I WAS PAST IT. I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT, PAUL! 13 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,236 [Leftover Cuties' Game Called Life] 14 00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:38,271 - ♪ IT'S SO HARD ♪ 15 00:00:38,304 --> 00:00:43,443 ♪ TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER ♪ 16 00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:46,980 ♪ STEP OUT ♪ 17 00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:51,918 ♪ OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ♪ 18 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,424 ♪ IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE? ♪ 19 00:00:57,457 --> 00:01:02,228 ♪ WILL SOMEONE WAKE ME UP SOON? ♪ 20 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:07,667 ♪ AND TELL ME THIS WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAY ♪ 21 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:12,338 ♪ CALLED LIFE ♪ 22 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:19,112 - DOES YOUR NEW FISH HAVE A NAME? 23 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,947 - HIS NAME IS SHUT UP AND STOP MOVING YOUR ASS. 24 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:23,650 - OKAY, CAN I JUST SAY HAVING A LUMP REMOVED 25 00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,752 IS ALMOST AS ANNOYING AS HAVING A LUMP. 26 00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:28,555 AN HOUR OF SURGERY, A WEEK OF CHANGING BANDAGES, 27 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,689 A MONTH OF SCARRING. 28 00:01:29,722 --> 00:01:31,558 IT'S NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND THIS SUMMER. 29 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,859 BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS 30 00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,727 IT'S TAKEN OUR RELATIONSHIP TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. 31 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,863 - THE LEAST I CAN DO FOR FORGETTING 32 00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,199 TO PICK YOU UP FROM SURGERY. 33 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:42,602 - YOU KNOW, NOW CANCER IS LITERALLY A PAIN IN MY ASS. 34 00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,537 - AREN'T YOU AFRAID OF DYING? 35 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,606 - I'M MORE AFRAID OF NOT GETTING EVERYTHING DONE 36 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:48,241 BEFORE I GO. 37 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,076 - NOBODY HAS THAT MUCH TIME. 38 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,179 PULL YOUR PANTS UP NOW. 39 00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:54,714 - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD AT THIS. 40 00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:58,751 - YEAH, WELL, BETWEEN MY HUSBAND'S COLON CANCER 41 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,988 AND MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER'S LIPO, 42 00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:03,957 I'VE TAKEN CARE OF A LOT OF ASSHOLES. 43 00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:06,159 - YOUR YOUNGEST DAUGHTER? 44 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:07,594 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD ANY. 45 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,395 I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE COME IN HERE. 46 00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:11,231 - I HAVE TWO GIRLS. 47 00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:14,000 ONE OF 'EM MARRIED A JEW, AND THE OTHER ONE'S A BULL DYKE. 48 00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:17,203 THEY CALL ME ONCE A MONTH, IF I'M LUCKY. 49 00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:20,573 IT'S THE SAME DAMN CONVERSATION EVERY TIME. 50 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:23,143 HOW'S THE HOUSE? AM I TAKING MY MEDICATION? 51 00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:27,213 HOW'S MY HIP? IT'S PATHETIC. 52 00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,082 WHAT? 53 00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,217 - NOTHING. I JUST FEEL BAD FOR YOU. 54 00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:32,552 - WELL, DON'T. 55 00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:35,188 YOU KICKED YOUR HUSBAND OUT, YOUR KID HATES YOU, 56 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:36,322 AND YOUR BROTHER'S HOMELESS. 57 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:37,690 SAVE YOUR TEARS FOR YOURSELF. 58 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,225 - HE'S NOT HOMELESS THIS WEEK. 59 00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:41,861 HE'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BACK YARD. 60 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,264 - YEAH, YOUR LIFE'S FULL OF SUNSHINE. 61 00:02:46,799 --> 00:02:48,801 [door shuts] 62 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:53,673 - WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU SAW DAD? 63 00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,175 - OH, WOW, LET'S SEE. 64 00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,243 THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SOMETIME BEFORE I STARTED PRACTICING 65 00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:58,444 I-DON'T-GIVE-A-FUCK-ISM. 66 00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:01,748 - I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE LAST CHRISTMAS. 67 00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,583 I DON'T EVEN VISIT HIM ON HIS BIRTHDAY OR FATHER'S DAY. 68 00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:06,252 I JUST SEND CARDS. IT'S RIDICULOUS. 69 00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:08,521 I DON'T WANT HIM TO THINK I'M AVOIDING HIM. 70 00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:11,758 - YOU ARE AVOIDING HIM. YOU HATE DAD. 71 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:13,726 - HE'S NOT THAT BAD, SEAN. 72 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,761 - AS MUCH AS I'D LOVE TO COUNT THE WAYS 73 00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:16,696 HE TOOK A DUMP ON MY LIFE FOR YOU, 74 00:03:16,729 --> 00:03:18,598 I REALLY NEED TO GET GOING 75 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:20,633 BEFORE THE LACK OF NATURAL LIGHT AND AIR IN HERE 76 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:23,603 IRREPARABLY DAMAGES MY CIRCADIAN RHYTHM. 77 00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:26,439 SO...AHH... 78 00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,608 I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SOMEWHAT TOXIC 79 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:32,312 BUT ODDLY CHARMING HOSPITALITY THIS PAST WEEK. 80 00:03:32,345 --> 00:03:34,013 - WE NEED TO GO SEE DAD. 81 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:38,151 - I'D RATHER MASTURBATE WITH A CHEESE GRATER. 82 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,253 - WHERE'S YOUR SUITCASE? 83 00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:42,455 I TOLD YOU WE WERE SPENDING THE NIGHT. 84 00:03:42,488 --> 00:03:43,690 - MOM, CAN I JUST SIGN THE CARD, 85 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,658 AND THEN YOU GO DROP ME OFF AT THE MALL INSTEAD? 86 00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,560 - THERE IS NO CARD. IT'S NOT HIS BIRTHDAY. 87 00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:49,229 WE'RE JUST VISITING. 88 00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:50,196 - THAT'S LAME. 89 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,564 - THAT IS NOT A VALID RESPONSE, ADAM. 90 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,199 I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH GRANDPA. 91 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,434 I TOLD HIM WE WERE ON OUR WAY. 92 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:55,635 - I'M NOT SPENDING THE WHOLE DAY 93 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:59,072 TRAPPED IN A CAR WITH YOU. 94 00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:00,840 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 95 00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:02,141 - THIS IS PROBABLY A HUGE MISTAKE, 96 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,378 BUT I HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS AT HOME TOO. 97 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,949 - HAPPY? UNCLE SEAN'S GOING. 98 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,651 SO NOW THERE'S A PROTECTIVE LAYER BETWEEN US. 99 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,119 GO. GET YOUR SUITCASE. 100 00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:14,220 - BUT I TOLD BRENT AND ALEX THAT I'D 101 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,155 HANG OUT WITH THEM THIS WEEKEND. 102 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,858 - YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. 103 00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:21,361 - WAIT, YOU'RE JUST LEAVING ME HERE? 104 00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,263 - YEP. 105 00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:26,065 - BUT, MOM, I'M HUNGRY! 106 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,234 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT? 107 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,902 - WAY TO GO, SIS. 108 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:33,373 IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU FINALLY CUTTING ADAM'S UMBILICAL CORD. 109 00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:34,641 WHEN HE GETS HUNGRY ENOUGH, 110 00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,943 HIS NATURAL SURVIVAL INSTINCT WILL KICK IN, 111 00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:38,344 IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY BEAT IT OUT OF HIM. 112 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:40,880 - YEAH, RIGHT. [cell phone beeps] 113 00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,749 [cell phone rings] 114 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:45,885 - CATHY, YOU FINALLY DECIDED TO RETURN MY CALLS. 115 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:47,020 THANK YOU. 116 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,122 OH, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT IN A SNARKY WAY. 117 00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:51,924 I KNOW SOMETIMES I USE SARCASM AS A WEAPON. 118 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,526 - ARE YOU STILL SEEING THAT THERAPIST? 119 00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:54,661 - I DON'T KNOW, CATHY. 120 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:56,329 AM I STILL SLEEPING ON MY SISTER'S COUCH 121 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,297 FOR NO APPARENT REASON? 122 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,832 OH, THAT WAS SNARKY. 123 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,234 THAT'S WHY I HAD TO SEE ANGELA TODAY. 124 00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:03,469 YOU SEE, I'M LASHING OUT AT YOU 125 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:06,072 BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, I'M HAVING A HARD TIME COPING 126 00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:08,274 WITH THE FACT THAT I WENT OUTSIDE THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE 127 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,976 FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION. 128 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:11,944 - OKAY, I'M GONNA GO VISIT MY DAD THIS WEEKEND, 129 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,314 SO IF YOU'RE NOT TO BUSY GETTING A HAND-JOB, 130 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,082 WOULD YOU GO PICK UP ADAM AND WATCH HIM WHILE I'M GONE? 131 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,250 - IN FAIRNESS TO ME, 132 00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:19,619 ANGELA SAYS THE HAND-JOB ONLY HAPPENED 133 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,121 BECAUSE MY SELF IS SPLITTING. 134 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,990 - WELL, WOULD AT LEAST ONE HALF OF YOUR SELF 135 00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,124 GO PICK UP OUR SON? 136 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,927 THANKS. [beep] 137 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,696 - WHAT'S WITH THE 12-PACK? 138 00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:31,497 IS THAT HOW YOU'RE INTENDING TO GET THROUGH THIS VISIT? 139 00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:34,767 - NO, IT'S FOR DAD. IT'S HIS FAVORITE BRAND. 140 00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,536 BUT HE NEVER BUYS IT BECAUSE IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE. 141 00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:41,407 - OH, SO YOU'RE BUYING HIS LOVE. THAT'S NICE. 142 00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:44,811 - THANK YOU FOR COMING WITH ME, SEAN. 143 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,245 I KNOW THIS ISN'T EASY FOR YOU, 144 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,614 AND I THINK IT IS INCREDIBLY BIG OF YOU 145 00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:50,917 TO MAKE AMENDS WITH DAD. 146 00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:52,919 - MAKE AMENDS? WITH THAT ASSHOLE? 147 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,754 FUCK HIM! 148 00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,789 I'M ONLY GOING TO DIG UP THE TIME CAPSULE 149 00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,925 I BURIED IN THE BACKYARD WHEN I WAS 15. 150 00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,661 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A TIME CAPSULE? 151 00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:03,129 - DON'T YELL AT ME JUST BECAUSE 152 00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:07,200 YOUR LITTLE BORING-BETTY BRAIN DIDN'T THINK OF IT. 153 00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:11,371 - GENERALLY SPEAKING, IT IS EASIER FOR A WOMAN 154 00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:13,606 TO FEEL AND BE IN HER BODY. 155 00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:15,742 SO SHE'S NATURALLY CLOSER TO BEING, 156 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:18,177 AND POTENTIALLY CLOSER TO ENLIGHTENMENT-- 157 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,381 - ECKHART TOLLE HAS HELPED A LOT OF PEOPLE. 158 00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:25,084 - OH, IS THIS BALL-SHRINKER HELPING YOU? 159 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,987 IS THAT WHY YOU'RE ON A QUEST TO BE THE PERFECT DAUGHTER? 160 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,389 - FOR YOUR INFORMATION, 161 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,290 MOST FAMILIES CONSIDER VISITING YOUR FATHER 162 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:35,094 NORMAL BEHAVIOR. 163 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,130 - YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW, DO YOU? 164 00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:40,533 OH, GOD. 165 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:44,103 I THOUGHT MAYBE HE WAS DOING THE SAME THING TO YOU. 166 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:46,672 MAYBE I WAS JUST HOPING I WASN'T ALONE. 167 00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,442 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 168 00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,477 - GOD, CATH... 169 00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,546 I KNOW YOU'VE ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO DAD. 170 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,548 YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN HIS-- 171 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:58,651 HIS LITTLE GOODY TWO-SHOES. 172 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,253 FRANKLY, I WAS TOO MUCH OF A WUSS 173 00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:02,955 TO WANT TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE. 174 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,425 BUT SINCE WE ARE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT IT, 175 00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:09,729 YOU SHOULD KNOW. 176 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,466 DAD MOLESTED ME. 177 00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:15,735 - JESUS, SEAN... 178 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:18,271 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 179 00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:22,275 - [laughing] 180 00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:25,244 - GOD, YOU--YOU-- DON'T DO THAT! 181 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:29,415 YOU STOP! STOP, STOP, STOP DOING THAT! 182 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,684 - YOU--YOU'RE LIKE A REALLY LOW-HANGING FRUIT. 183 00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:33,152 - YOU'RE SICK. 184 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,420 - YOU'RE LIKE A LOW-HANGING FRUIT 185 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,322 ON A DWARF FRUIT TREE. 186 00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:38,524 [cell phone beeps] 187 00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:51,571 [overlapping chatter] 188 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:55,208 [engine revving, tires screeching on video game] 189 00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:56,275 [explosion] 190 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,277 - OH! OH! 191 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,280 - DAMN, YOU JUST GOT SCHOOLED, MR. JAMISON. 192 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,449 - HEY, UNLESS YOU'RE AUDITING MY TAXES, 193 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,784 YOU CALL ME PAUL. 194 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,586 NO, YOU KNOW, BETTER YET, CALL ME PAULIE. 195 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,921 THANK YOU. [car horn honks] 196 00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,324 - DUDE, WE GOTTA BOUNCE. - SEE YA, MAN. 197 00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:14,494 - OH, HOW CONVENIENT--BOUNCING WHEN I'M JUST GETTING WARMED UP. 198 00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:15,561 THIS AIN'T OVER, JOSH. 199 00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,430 - THANKS, MR.-- PAULIE. 200 00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,465 SEE YOU, GUYS. 201 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,502 - I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST TO MY SON 202 00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,670 AND HIS AWESOME GAMING PROWESS. 203 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:28,241 TODAY, YOU ARE A MAN. 204 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:30,676 - YES! 205 00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:32,845 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? 206 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:34,046 - YOU SAID I WAS A MAN NOW, SO-- 207 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,282 - YEAH, WELL, UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, 208 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,717 IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 209 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:40,987 A 14-YEAR-OLD MAN STILL CANNOT DRINK. 210 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,488 BUT IF YOU'RE GONNA DRINK ALCOHOL, BUDDY, 211 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,290 I'D FEEL A HECK OF A LOT BETTER 212 00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:47,660 IF YOU DO IT WITH AN ADULT PRESENT, OKAY? 213 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:53,099 SO IN LIGHT OF YOUR AWESOME DRIVING SKILLS, 214 00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:57,236 I HEREBY ENTITLE YOU... TO HAVE A BEER. 215 00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:01,874 - SERIOUSLY? 216 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,784 [belches] 217 00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:15,054 - [belches three times] 218 00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:20,660 - JUST SO YOU KNOW, I WAS NOT A GOODY TWO-SHOES. 219 00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:22,929 I SMOKED MY FIRST CIGARETTE IN GIRL SCOUTS. 220 00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:26,966 - OH, GOD, THAT CONVERSATION'S SO TEN MILES AGO--LET IT GO. 221 00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:28,534 - ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT 222 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,469 WE BOTH DID THINGS TO GET DAD'S ATTENTION. 223 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,505 MY THING WAS TO BE PERFECT. 224 00:09:32,538 --> 00:09:34,607 YOUR THING WAS TO BE A JUVENILE DELINQUENT. 225 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,144 - MY THING WAS MORE FUN. 226 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:39,345 - GIVE ME A BEER. 227 00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:40,980 - WHAT? 228 00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:42,682 - YOU HEARD ME. 229 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:44,817 GIVE ME ONE OF DAD'S BEERS. 230 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,552 I'M THIRSTY, I'M TIRED, 231 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,321 MAYBE A LITTLE TENSE, 232 00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:52,758 AND I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A FUCKING BEER...IN THE CAR! 233 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:55,328 - WELL, WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE YOUR PERSONALITY 234 00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,897 MORE TOLERABLE. 235 00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,599 - BUT YOU DRIVE. 236 00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:07,840 - HERE. HERE. 237 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,242 WOW, THE LAST TIME I DROVE A CAR, 238 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,044 REAGAN WAS IGNORING AIDS. 239 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,687 WHOA, THAT'S FUEL INJECTION! 240 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,322 [applause] 241 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,958 - THAT IS ONE AMAZING WOMAN. 242 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,631 YOU AND ME ARE TWO LUCKY GUYS. 243 00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,499 - YEAH, REAL LUCKY, DAD. 244 00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:35,434 SHE KICKED YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE. THAT'S FUCKED UP. 245 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,036 - YOU'RE TOO HARD ON YOUR MOM. 246 00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:39,205 YOU GOTTA CUT HER SOME SLACK. 247 00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:41,007 I KNOW SHE CAN BE ANNOYING, 248 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,442 BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING 249 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,810 IN THE WORLD TO HER. 250 00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:47,446 - HEY, DAD, WANNA PLAY ANOTHER VIDEO GAME NOW? 251 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:52,685 - WHOO, THAT CATHY, SHE'S WHAT YOU CALL A CATCH. 252 00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:56,122 - EWW, DAD. 253 00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,959 - MY FRIENDS SAID SHE MIGHT SLEEP WITH ME, 254 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:03,329 "BUT NO WAY IN HELL A GAL LIKE THAT 255 00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:07,867 WILL EVER MARRY A GUY LIKE YOU." 256 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,035 AND THEN SHE DID. 257 00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:12,238 OH, IT WAS SO AWESOME. 258 00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:17,743 OOH, DOESN'T YOUR MOM HAVE AMAZING TITS? 259 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:21,213 OH... 260 00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,250 HOW'D I FUCK IT UP SO BAD? 261 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:28,421 I'M SO FUCKING FUCKED. 262 00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:30,156 I MISS HER SO MUCH IT HURTS. 263 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,391 [Paul sobbing] 264 00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:37,396 - WHOO! 265 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,934 WHY ARE WE STOPPING? 266 00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:44,070 - YOU'LL SEE. 267 00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:46,238 NO FUCKING WAY. 268 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:49,575 YOU THINK THIS SIGN WILL FIT IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAR? 269 00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:53,279 - WHAT? 270 00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:54,547 - [laughing] 271 00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:57,950 - THAT'S JUST SUCH A DINGLEBERRY THING TO DO. 272 00:11:57,983 --> 00:12:01,353 - OH, YEAH, YOU PROBABLY DON'T HAVE THE DINGLEBERRIES 273 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:05,591 TO DO IT. 274 00:12:05,624 --> 00:12:07,159 - OW. 275 00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:08,194 - OW! 276 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,730 [straining] 277 00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:12,732 - [laughing] 278 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:15,835 [engine revving, tires screeching on video game] 279 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:48,367 - I'M FAMISHED. 280 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,669 BEING A SIGN STEALER IS EXHAUSTING. 281 00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,174 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - FOOD! 282 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,246 - [pained groan] 283 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,380 - HOW CAN YOU DO THAT? 284 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,482 - FACT: OVER 50% OF THE FOOD 285 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,452 WE HARVEST IN THIS COUNTRY GETS THROWN AWAY. 286 00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:08,354 FACT: EXPIRATION DATES ARE BULLSHIT. 287 00:13:08,387 --> 00:13:12,091 FACT: THIS BOX OF LITTLE DEBBIES IS HERMETICALLY SEALED. 288 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,593 DO LITTLE DEBBIES EVEN HAVE EXPIRATION DATES? 289 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,594 I DON'T THINK SO. 290 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:19,532 - GOLDEN CREMES. I LOVE GOLDEN CREMES. 291 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,669 OH, MY GOD! IS THAT A CANNED HAM? 292 00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:25,871 - MM-HMM. 293 00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:33,145 MADE FRESH TODAY. 294 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:37,516 - HA! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DUMPSTER DOVE. 295 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,919 I'M A DUMPSTER DIVER. 296 00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:41,420 I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M EATING TRASH. 297 00:13:41,453 --> 00:13:42,488 IT'S TOTALLY WEIRD. 298 00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,089 - PASS THE CARROTS, PLEASE. 299 00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:48,527 - NOW, WHY WOULD THEY THROW OUT A WHOLE BOX OF LITTLE DEBBIES? 300 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:51,630 - THE BOX WAS DENTED. PASS THE PEAS. 301 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,767 - YOU KNOW MOM TURNED ME ON TO THESE? 302 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,101 THESE WERE HER FAVORITES. 303 00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:59,471 - AT LEAST TILL DAD TOLD HER THEY WERE MAKING HER FAT. 304 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,840 THAT JERK MADE SURE NONE OF US WAS HAPPY 305 00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:03,275 LONG ENOUGH TO ENJOY ANYTHING. 306 00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,176 - I WAS HAPPY. 307 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,579 - HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE HAPPY 308 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,380 BENDING OVER BACKWARD TRYING TO PLEASE HIM? 309 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:12,218 YOU KNOW WHO MANAGED TO PLEASE DAD? SHARON. 310 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,820 PRETTY BALLSY OF HIM TO FUCK AROUND WITH HER 311 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,422 WHILE MOM WAS LAID UP IN THE HOSPITAL. 312 00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:17,923 WHO DOES THAT? 313 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:22,995 WHO CHEATS WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE SOMEBODY WHO LOVES YOU? 314 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,364 - IS THAT IT? 315 00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:26,866 WE DON'T KNOW HE HAD AN AFFAIR. 316 00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:30,569 - OH, SURE, MAYBE DAD WAS SUCH A FUCKING ROMANTIC 317 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,339 THAT HE FELL IN LOVE AND GOT MARRIED 318 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,040 THREE MONTHS AFTER MOM DIED. 319 00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:37,476 THAT'S TOTALLY REASONABLE. - IT WAS 25 YEARS AGO. 320 00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:39,245 DAD NEEDED SOMEONE. SHARON WAS THERE. 321 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:43,482 - YOU AND MOM, YOU BOTH JUST LET HIM SHUT YOU DOWN. 322 00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:45,851 FOR YEARS, SHE WANTED TO VISIT NEW ORLEANS. 323 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:46,886 HE WOULDN'T SPEND THE MONEY. 324 00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,020 HE MARRIED SHARON, 325 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,622 TOOK HER THERE ON THEIR HONEYMOON. 326 00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:51,590 - SHARON HAD HOTEL VOUCHERS. 327 00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:55,628 DO YOU HATE ME... 328 00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,663 FOR TRYING TO MAKE PEACE BETWEEN YOU AND HIM? 329 00:14:57,696 --> 00:14:59,665 - DO YOU HATE ME FOR TRYING 330 00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:03,135 TO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS? 331 00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:04,970 [cell phone beeps] 332 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,975 MAN, YOU GET A LOT OF CALLS. 333 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:14,313 SLOW DOWN! 334 00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:22,655 - HEY, KID, ARE YOU DEAD? 335 00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,091 - [coughing] 336 00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:29,795 - JESUS H. CHRIST! WHERE'S YOUR MOTHER? 337 00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:32,731 - IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. 338 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,266 MY DAD'S HERE. EVERYTHING'S FINE. 339 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,136 EVERYTHING IS COOL. 340 00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:50,182 - SEAN! 341 00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:51,617 [horn honks] 342 00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:53,552 [chuckles] 343 00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:55,721 HE SAW MY ASS. 344 00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:59,325 [cell phone beeps] 345 00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:00,826 [beep] 346 00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:04,296 [car door shuts] 347 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,666 JUST SO YOU KNOW, TALL GRASS-- 348 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,168 NOT IDEAL FOR A SQUATTING WOMAN. 349 00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:12,905 - WHO'S LENNY? 350 00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:15,374 - OH, CRAP. 351 00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:19,445 - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, CATHY? ARE YOU FUCKING THIS GUY? 352 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,413 YOU FUCKING AROUND ON PAUL? 353 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:24,917 - YES. YES, I AM. 354 00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:25,951 YES. 355 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:29,221 - JESUS, CATHY, YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE. 356 00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:30,789 HERE I AM DEFENDING YOU 357 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,292 AGAINST YOUR JERKWAD HUSBAND FOR YEARS, 358 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,061 AND--AND THE WHOLE TIME YOU'RE HAVING A FUCKING AFFAIR? 359 00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:38,697 - NOT THE WHOLE TIME, AND IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS THAT. 360 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:42,468 - CAN'T ANYBODY TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH? 361 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:49,608 YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR AND A FUCKING COWARD. 362 00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:53,679 AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE DAD. 363 00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,416 - STILL THINK I'M A GOODY TWO-SHOES? 364 00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:59,218 STILL THINK I CAN'T BE WILD AND CRAZY? 365 00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:00,753 WELL, THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, SEAN. 366 00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,389 MY CAUTION IS OFFICIALLY THROWN TO THE WIND. 367 00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:05,524 - FUCK YOU, CATHY. 368 00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:15,200 [Buddy's Say A Lot] 369 00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:19,438 ♪ ♪ 370 00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:21,273 - ♪ GOLDEN RINGS ♪ 371 00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:23,442 ♪ AROUND YOUR HEAD ♪ 372 00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:28,080 ♪ NEVER SHOW ♪ 373 00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:31,483 ♪ WE DON'T SEEM LIKE OURSELVES ♪ 374 00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:34,353 ♪ ANYMORE ♪ 375 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,122 ♪ NEVER REALLY TAKES A LOT ♪ 376 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:40,659 ♪ TO LOSE YOU ♪ 377 00:17:40,692 --> 00:17:47,366 ♪ ♪ 378 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,168 ♪ MAKE A WISH ♪ 379 00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:51,970 ♪ UPON A FALLING STAR ♪ 380 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,239 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - I'M GETTING MY TIME CAPSULE. 381 00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:57,443 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'RE NOT GONNA COME IN? 382 00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:00,145 DAD! 383 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,780 - HI, HI. 384 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,916 - THANKS FOR THE GINGER ALE. 385 00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:07,519 AND...I'M SORRY I PUKED IT UP ON YOUR RUG. 386 00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:11,390 - THE RESEMBLANCE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FATHER IS UNCANNY. 387 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:14,193 GO TO YOUR ROOM AND GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP. 388 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,128 BUT FIRST THING YOU'RE DOING IN THE MORNING 389 00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,362 IS CLEAN THIS CRAP UP. 390 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:18,597 - I KNOW. 391 00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:25,204 - ♪ I DON'T HAVE TO SAY A LOT TO LOSE YOU ♪ 392 00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,673 - WAKE UP, YOU BIG LUSH! 393 00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:29,775 I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE LIVING HERE OR ON THE MOON. 394 00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,777 BEING A FATHER'S NOT A PART-TIME JOB. 395 00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:35,681 YOU CAN'T QUIT EVERY TIME YOU FEEL LIKE TYING ONE ON. 396 00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:41,353 YOUR KID'S SICK, AND THIS PLACE SMELLS LIKE RAW SEWAGE. 397 00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:44,823 TAKE CARE OF IT. 398 00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:53,799 [baseball game drones on TV] 399 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:54,933 - I'D OFFER YOU SOMETHING TO EAT, 400 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,702 BUT SHARON'S OUT AT HER BRIDGE GAME. 401 00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,537 - OH, THAT'S OKAY, DAD. 402 00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:02,641 [announcer droning on TV] 403 00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:04,510 CAN WE TURN THE TV OFF FOR A LITTLE BIT? 404 00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:06,812 I JUST-- I WANTED TO CATCH UP-- 405 00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:08,714 - AW, HONEY, IT'S A BIG GAME. 406 00:19:10,949 --> 00:19:13,552 - HOW ARE YOU DOING HEALTH-WISE? 407 00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:14,686 YOU STILL TAKING YOUR LIPITOR? 408 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,456 - EVERY MORNING. - AND HOW'S THAT KNEE? 409 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:21,627 - GET THAT GUY OUT OF THERE! 410 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,530 - DADDY... 411 00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:28,534 PAUL AND I ARE SEPARATED. 412 00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:32,004 - OH, BOY. 413 00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:33,639 YOU GOTTA WORK THAT OUT. 414 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:37,342 I REALLY DON'T SEE YOU DOING MUCH BETTER THAN PAUL. 415 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,511 - EXCUSE ME? 416 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,380 - SWEET PEA, YOU HAVE TO BE REALISTIC, THAT'S ALL. 417 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:44,583 YOU'RE A 44-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. YOUR OPTIONS ARE NOT GREAT. 418 00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:46,285 - 42. 419 00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:49,087 AND--AND WHO KNOWS WHAT I CAN ACHIEVE? 420 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:51,190 - WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, HONEY? 421 00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:53,825 YOU COME HERE, TELL ME YOU'RE DIVORCED... 422 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,195 - NO, SEPARATED. AND NOT EVEN OFFICIALLY. 423 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,430 - IF YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE THINGS, YOU BETTER START PLANNING 424 00:19:58,463 --> 00:19:59,364 FOR YOUR OLD AGE. 425 00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,934 - I'LL TRY AND KEEP THAT IN MIND. 426 00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:05,904 - LIKE I SAY, JUST BE REALISTIC, THAT'S ALL. 427 00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:09,841 - I THOUGHT THIS WOULD GO DIFFERENTLY. 428 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,510 - WELL, YOU SHOULD LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. 429 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,413 - ALL I EXPECTED WAS A CONVERSATION. 430 00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:19,885 THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME I SEE YOU. 431 00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:23,155 - HEY...EASY. 432 00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:24,590 I'M NOT THAT OLD. 433 00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:27,326 - IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, DAD. 434 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:31,930 WE DROVE A LONG WAY TO VISIT YOU. 435 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:34,800 - WELL, YOU'RE HERE NOW. WHAT DO YOU WANT, A PARTY? 436 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,501 - NO, ALL I WANT IS SOME INDICATION 437 00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,403 THAT YOU ARE HAPPY TO SEE ME. 438 00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,239 AND THAT YOU'D BE SAD IF I WERE GONE. 439 00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:45,043 - CATHY, I'M REALLY HAPPY YOU'RE HERE. 440 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,646 WELCOME HOME. 441 00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:50,082 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 442 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,523 - SO WHAT IF I HAD HIGH EXPECTATIONS? 443 00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:00,392 SO WHAT? 444 00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:03,428 AT LEAST ONE OF US HAD DREAMS FOR ME. 445 00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:05,764 NO ONE WAS ALLOWED TO DREAM IN THIS HOUSE. 446 00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:08,967 THE ONLY DREAM MOM EVER HAD WAS TO GO TO NEW ORLEANS. 447 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:12,537 YOU KILLED THAT FOR HER, AND NOW SHE'S IN THE FIREPLACE! 448 00:21:12,571 --> 00:21:13,438 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THAT? 449 00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:14,840 IT'S DECORATIVE. WE NEVER USE IT. 450 00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:16,541 - YOU TOLD ME NOT WASTE THAT APPLICATION FEE 451 00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:18,110 ON THAT COLLEGE THAT WAS OUT OF STATE 452 00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:20,279 BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT I COULD GET IN. 453 00:21:20,312 --> 00:21:21,913 YOU MADE EVERYBODY JUST TAP DANCE AROUND YOU 454 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,181 FOR YOUR APPROVAL. 455 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:27,519 AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE SAD THING IS? 456 00:21:27,552 --> 00:21:29,354 YOU HAVE A GREAT FAMILY. 457 00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,089 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM. 458 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:36,495 SEAN IS SO MUCH MORE AMAZING THAN YOU COULD EVER COMPREHEND. 459 00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:40,165 HE CAN PULL AN ENTIRE MEAL OUT OF A DUMPSTER. 460 00:21:40,198 --> 00:21:44,836 AND MORE THAN THAT... HE'S HONEST. 461 00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:47,372 AND HE CARES. 462 00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:51,643 WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR YOU. 463 00:21:51,677 --> 00:21:53,612 I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, 464 00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:56,348 AND HERE IT IS-- 465 00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:59,584 I LOVE YOU... 466 00:21:59,618 --> 00:22:03,121 AND YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! 467 00:22:11,396 --> 00:22:12,631 - WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? 468 00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,933 - WHAT'S THE SCORE, ASSHOLE? 469 00:22:14,966 --> 00:22:19,171 - MINNESOTA'S AHEAD 5-2, JACKASS. 470 00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:27,346 - WOW...1982. [laughs] 471 00:22:27,379 --> 00:22:30,315 THIS IS GONNA BE, LIKE, TOTALLY RAD! 472 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:34,286 - HEH HEH. NOW, THAT IS A THING-O-BEAUTY! 473 00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:36,154 - THAT'S IT? 474 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,824 THAT'S YOUR ENTIRE TIME CAPSULE? 475 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:42,694 WHAT, A POLAROID AND A 28-YEAR-OLD DOOBIE? 476 00:22:42,728 --> 00:22:46,031 - BUT IT TAKES ME BACK. - WHO IS THIS? 477 00:22:46,064 --> 00:22:49,801 WHAT DOES SHE HAVE IN HER MOU-- 478 00:22:49,835 --> 00:22:51,036 IS THAT YOUR PENIS? 479 00:22:51,069 --> 00:22:53,405 OH, GROSS, SEAN! 480 00:22:53,438 --> 00:22:57,075 - YEAH, THE '80s REALLY SUCKED FOR ME. 481 00:22:57,109 --> 00:22:59,578 HEY, THAT WASN'T HALF BAD 482 00:22:59,611 --> 00:23:00,746 WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT ME AT DAD'S. 483 00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:02,481 - DON'T LET IT GO TO YOUR HEAD. 484 00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:06,451 - OH, YOU MEAN THE FACT THAT ♪ YOU THINK I'M AMAZING ♪ ? 485 00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:18,930 - BON VOYAGE, MOM. 486 00:23:18,964 --> 00:23:24,302 FIRST-CLASS TRIP DOWN THE MISSISSIPPI. 487 00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:26,938 - SHE'LL BE IN NEW ORLEANS BY MONDAY. 488 00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:30,442 COVERED IN BRITISH OIL. 489 00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:38,717 - YOU WANT TO BE CREMATED WHEN YOU DIE? 490 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:41,119 - I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT OUT TO BE EATEN BY COYOTES. 491 00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:44,189 - I KNOW--I KNOW LOGICALLY IT MAKES SENSE TO BE CREMATED, 492 00:23:44,222 --> 00:23:46,358 BUT I JUST CANT GET PAST THE FACT 493 00:23:46,391 --> 00:23:47,826 THAT YOU'RE BEING BURNED, 494 00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:49,661 AND HOW PAINFUL THAT WOULD BE 495 00:23:49,694 --> 00:23:52,130 IF BY SOME FLUKE YOU COULD FEEL IT. 496 00:23:52,164 --> 00:23:55,033 I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE BURIAL. 497 00:23:55,066 --> 00:23:58,570 I DON'T KNOW, IT'S HARD TO DECIDE. 498 00:23:58,603 --> 00:23:59,805 - WHAT'S THE BIG RUSH? 499 00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:02,207 IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA DIE TOMORROW. 500 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,043 [grunts] 501 00:24:05,076 --> 00:24:06,778 - I'M SICK, SEAN. 502 00:24:06,812 --> 00:24:09,047 - [chuckles] I KNOW. AREN'T WE ALL? 503 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,350 - I HAVE CANCER. 504 00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:14,486 - WHAT? 505 00:24:14,519 --> 00:24:16,988 - I'M SORRY TO BLURT IT OUT LIKE THAT. 506 00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:19,891 WHEN I SAY IT IN MY HEAD, IT SOUNDS A LOT MORE ELOQUENT. 507 00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:25,530 BUT IT TURNS OUT QUIET DIGNITY IS HARD TO DO OUT LOUD. 508 00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:28,166 SO THAT'S IT. 509 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,502 I HAVE CANCER. 510 00:24:30,535 --> 00:24:33,839 MELANOMA, TO BE EXACT, AND I'M DYING. 511 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,442 - ARE YOU GONNA DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT? 512 00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:42,080 - OTHER THAN EAT MORE SWEETS, NOT REALLY. 513 00:24:42,113 --> 00:24:45,383 I'VE LOOKED INTO IT. THE OPTIONS AREN'T GOOD. 514 00:24:47,752 --> 00:24:50,655 - JESUS, CATHY. 515 00:24:50,689 --> 00:24:52,724 JESUS! 516 00:24:58,697 --> 00:25:02,634 [sighs] WELL, OKAY. OKAY. 517 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:05,203 OKAY. 518 00:25:05,237 --> 00:25:06,938 WELL, PEOPLE DIE. 519 00:25:06,972 --> 00:25:08,840 YOU KNOW, IT'S A GUARANTEE. 520 00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:12,477 SOMETHING IS GOING TO GET YOU. NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS. 521 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,079 ME, I'M IN THE DARK. 522 00:25:14,112 --> 00:25:16,047 BUT PEOPLE DIE. 523 00:25:16,081 --> 00:25:17,482 THAT'S THE WAY IT WORKS. 524 00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,684 PEOPLE--YOU JUST-- YOU'RE GONNA DIE, 525 00:25:19,718 --> 00:25:21,319 AND IT'S GONNA SUCK, 526 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:24,089 BECAUSE I WAS JUST STARTING TO FIGURE YOU OUT, SIS. 527 00:25:24,122 --> 00:25:27,492 YOU KNOW? I WAS JUST-- 528 00:25:29,995 --> 00:25:34,366 [voice breaking] I WAS JUST STARTING TO UNDERSTAND... 529 00:25:34,399 --> 00:25:37,636 THAT YOU'RE THE ONLY THING I HAVE IN THIS WORLD. 530 00:25:37,669 --> 00:25:39,804 [sobbing] OH, GOD! 531 00:25:46,411 --> 00:25:48,847 OH, GOD! 532 00:26:01,793 --> 00:26:08,033 - [laughing] 533 00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:11,636 YOU THINK I'M A LOW-HANGING FRUIT? 534 00:26:11,670 --> 00:26:13,305 OH, YOU SHOULD SEE YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW. 535 00:26:13,338 --> 00:26:15,206 [laughs] 536 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,543 - WAIT...WHAT... ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME? 537 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,016 YOU'RE GOOD. 538 00:26:25,050 --> 00:26:26,051 [laughing] 539 00:26:26,084 --> 00:26:28,587 GOD, I NEARLY-- 540 00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:32,724 I REALLY-- I MEAN, YOU ALMOST-- 541 00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:38,096 OH...THAT WAS GOOD! 542 00:26:38,129 --> 00:26:40,098 - WHY DON'T WE SPARK UP THAT DOOBIE? 543 00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:41,866 - YES. 544 00:26:49,674 --> 00:26:53,411 - ♪ I'M LYING WIDE OPEN ♪ 545 00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:57,182 ♪ ON THE HIGH WATER MARK ♪ 546 00:26:57,215 --> 00:27:00,251 ♪ ♪ 547 00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:03,755 ♪ LEFT BY THE OCEAN ♪ 548 00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:07,892 ♪ ABANDONED BY THE TIDE ♪ 549 00:27:07,926 --> 00:27:10,095 ♪ ♪ 550 00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:13,865 ♪ I'M BEACH TAR AND TIN CANS ♪ 551 00:27:13,898 --> 00:27:17,869 ♪ I'M DRIFTWOOD BLEACHED TO STRAW ♪ 552 00:27:17,902 --> 00:27:20,071 ♪ ♪ 553 00:27:20,105 --> 00:27:23,141 ♪ I'M SEAWEED AND WET SAND ♪